heroicseniorofficer

Austin

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loathing by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

loathing

Fuck this, a ghost of myself just drifting through life and I-- I don't understand why-- why-- I can't just live. I have to go and fuck myself in every single thing I attempt-- For once it had promise and I missed out I will miss out and I-- I resign-- I can't do this. I don't deserve the good-- I can't do this right... Even if it turns around I won't have earned it-- I won't-- won't-- can't-- earn this. I need a no more now than ever-- I have to hate myself for this-- I have to loathe myself for this-- I have to die in any way for this-- A ghost lingering in the good remnants of what I was-- But-- I am born aga

train of thought by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

train of thought

and and and and-- God damnit "and!" this train of thought never ending coming round the corner bearing forth a thousand tons of steel all held in this skull on these shoulders on this body on these legs all my responsibility my thought my burden my release releasing the train the metal behemoth from within to with out metal monster masters my dominion this dominatrix decides what I will say and how I will say it. no choice but to choose no life but to live no voice but to say.

but by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

but

Now now, who am I to say this is me who am I to say that there is any thing any single thing that is worth feeling this for-- I am every one to say it I am the broken down hopeless wreck who just wants to die and still I know that that there is something worth living for what ever ever is there for me in the end I know it will all have been worth it-- but but-- but-- but-- what if I am wrong-- what if there's nothing worth living for-- that keeps me up at night

Drowning by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Drowning

And this is where I'm lost-- I knew I could do it but but now I blew it what have I gone and done in millions of dreams millions of waking nightmares I just kill-- kill-- and die. I die a thousand different deaths for every mistake that I imagine through to the end for in my mind I can't do this right no matter what I can't do this right. At all-- but I know I will somehow-- I'm lost in the thoughts I have I can't escape the web I weave it more with each conscious thought-- and unconscious I can't leave myself behind follow myself in the labyrinth of dark cities twisted overgrowing over me leave only shadow only despair on

Mind by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Have Fun by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Have Fun

just now approaching a month of knowing you what else am i to do but be content in what i am, that it managed to get me whatever you decide to call you see this machine that i am of love and hope and dreams somehow found you and now is without fear or despair or worry i hope you know that even after a week i really like you crazy as it may be i know you feel the same which is crazy too i'm happy here always a good thing i hope you are as well so relax let go a little let me calm you do

I Just Don't Know by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

I Just Don't Know

And how can I expect that? You would be mine forever? I just don't know, throwing up-- Emotions, food, tears, ever ything thing inside of me. I just don't know, how I feel, who I am, who will I ever love the way I loved you, I just don't know. Truly happy, that you're happy, but how can I be happy in this place? This is how you move on, how you move on, how you move on, how you move on. I just don't know, I'm so scared I won't ever love again, I don't know how to move on, how to move on, how to move on, how to move on. Fear for the future flickers forth, shivers shake my mind, mingled thoughts make mysteries of the future

I Am The by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

I Am The

I am the hopeless romantic lost within the past forgotten within the future only true in the present alive breathing the air of life love the only one to be true I am the broken dreamer cynic to the world hateful of the lucky nothing can be worth it shattered what is there to this life buried curse this earth to dust I am the conqueror of worlds unstoppable to the weak ruler of the strong iron fists with quiet words powerful giver and taker of all life revered long live this king I am the mischievous vexation hidden in the shadows lurking with a gr

For Reese by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

For Reese

Though I'm scared by this how deeply I've fallen for you, further than ever before I know you are perfect for me, just as I am for you, and I realize how beautiful you are whenever I open my eyes Thinking I must be dreaming while you're always on my mind, dreaming of moondances knowing that I still believe, in this good world that we'll leave when I'll follow you into the dark And I will forever be amazed at the depth of my love for you how I never tire of talking to you, how you're always running through my mind Even through moments of "Oh shit, I'm so vulnerable with her, what if I get hurt?" I still wish you were

Consequential by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Consequential

And what have I done here? this story, it continues-- for what? I can be happy here, she makes me so-- I can be content, through this life I'll go-- I can be-- Damn it! I, I, I! I can be so self centred! I am supposed to listen with my ear, yet rarely can I ever truly hear! thoughts distract, worried about what I've done, to that one, whom I loved more than any other. I want to fade from her mind, as she'll fade from me in kind, blurring out the smile from her face, blurring out the braid from her hair, blurring her out, leaving no trace. I just hope she does the same to me, even though she thinks

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loathing by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

loathing

train of thought by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

train of thought

but by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

but

Drowning by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Drowning

Mind by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Have Fun by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Have Fun

I Just Don't Know by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

I Just Don't Know

I Am The by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

I Am The

For Reese by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

For Reese

Consequential by heroicseniorofficer, literature

Literature

Consequential

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Grinning by iChrno, literature

Literature

Grinning

This beautiful silence, Eradicate emptiness. This strange sensation, It swirls. My trembling arms, My wavering knees, The grin on my lips, You're to blame for all of it. The fault of your arms, The fault of your grin, The fault of you. Oh, that grin, When it grins, I become so weak. Powerlessness to resistance. And you can tempt me, And you can sway me, And I'll go with the breeze, as it whispers it's soft breath, through my hair, and into my lips, and into me. And I'll continue to grin, as your sultry eyes pierce every single inch of my being. I can only pray, that you will grace me with your own grin or

Deviation Spotlight

The Alien by heroicseniorofficer, visual art

The Alien

heroicseniorofficer

About heroicseniorofficer

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Artist // Student // Other

Mar 26, 1993
United States
Deviant for 16 years
heroicseniorofficer.deviantart.com/
He / Him

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I Heart DeviantArt Gear: Proud supporter of deviantGEAR

My Bio

Current Residence: Rennselaer Polytechnic Institute, Troy, NY
Favourite genre of music: Indie Rock/Alternative
Personal Quote: "I love you not only for who you are, but for who you make me."
I tend to be a musician, but I delve into the other arts, primarily poetry. These are these delvings.

Favourite Visual Artist

Many, I have favourite works, not artists.

Favourite Movies

Taken, Unknown, Inception, District 9

Favourite TV Shows

Family Guy

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

The Stars, The Jezabels, Muse, Chiodos, Snow Patrol, Tickle Me Pink

Favourite Books

Revelation Space series, Looking for Alaska

Favourite Writers

Dan Abnett, Peter F. Hamilton, Alastair Reynolds, John Green

Favourite Games

Warhammer 40K, Lord of the Rings Strategy Battle Game, Battlefield 3

Favourite Gaming Platform

Xbox 360

Tools of the Trade

Computer, primarily. Logic Pro 9 for music, Lakland AA-55 Bass, a few pedals, MarkBass 2x10" Combo Amp, Korg X-50 Keyboard, and for writing, pen and paper or computer.

Other Interests

Music. Music so hardcore.

Posts

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heroicseniorofficer

Jan 6, 2012

Uploading

0 min read

I'll be uploading tons of writing I've done over the past few years, what I can find of it, at least.  Have fun, critique away.

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heroicseniorofficer

Jan 5, 2012

Wow...

0 min read

So, I'm back here.  I don't know if this will be a fleeting visit or for prolonged time, it'll be interesting.  It was a fascinating trip to go through my life as it was back in 9th and 10th grade...  This is incredible.  Seeing conversations that I had with people who I had all but forgotten existed, yet helped save my life when I went through some of the hardest times.  Bloody incredible.  I'm in college now, am smarter, much much much more socially competent, I am a huge musician, I hate math, it's incredible what this world has done to me.  Wow.  To anyone reading this... Thank you for helping me become who I am today.  To anyone I haven'